I saw a play this week that really reflected what's been on my mind a lot lately. It was called "Peter and Wendy" and it was a Bunraku take on the classic story of Peter Pan. Bunraku entails having a single actor to do all the lines and voices and three puppeteers to each puppet. It was magical and I couldn't get over the amount of talent and skill each and every member of the company had to have to participate. It had a background of celtic music and just sent my imagination soaring. It was also my last ever arena field trip since I'm quitting the class and it was the first and only time Mom has been able to come along.
The whole thing made me think about my life and where I am right now. This really is a milestone point. In 16 days we're leaving for England and when we get back it'll be when I am applying to college. Watching that show, especially the last scene when she's telling peter she's too old to go with him, I was just balling. I'm so torn lately between how much I yearn for childhood and live on family videos and my hopes for future romances and triumphs. I base my life around my vivid and childlike imagination, but you can't even imagination how much I think and speculate about where my life is going to go. I do know that once I leave home things won't just snap back when I come back to visit. It won't be quite like this ever again. I would never want to be like Peter Pan, refusing to grow up at the expense of wonderful experiences that were in store for him, but in the same right I yearn for the simplicity of just being a little girl.
It's funny how much I thrive on memories of the past and events in the future. I've been looking forward to this British Isles adventure for months and now it's soo close. Yet I know that it'll fly be and I'll live on the memory of it and the prospects of going to college for ages after it's over. It reminds me of a Shel Silverstein poem (I can relate nearly anything to good old Shel)
Here comes summer,
Here comes summer,
Chirping robin, budding rose,
Here comes summer,
Here comes summer,
Gentle showers, summer clothes,
Here comes summer,
Here comes summer,
Whoosh---shiver---there it goes.
I have a hard time living in the present and enjoying the now, then I end up just thinking and stewing and wishing about now, later.
2 comments:
i hear that...it is hard to live and find joy in the present. i hope everything is going well with you sweetie.
You are insightful to recognize the fact o fhte future-- that is, that once a moment is past, it is gone, only to be revisited in memory. Some things you wish you could hold on too, but despite our best efforts, everything passes. You find yourselves at a major crossroads, I still cling to some of my memoires form when I was your age. You are smart for recognizing that fact, and cherishing it. The thing about last times is that you don't alwasy know that they are the last times.. The last time you will go aon a family trip while living under your parents roof... the last time you will perfrom.. etc.etc.
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